New Year's Eve

2011.

1) Realising who matters most.

Lenise&Jiahui, C3H -> C2H, 401 usuals, Nat, Jiashyuan, Jessica, Buddy and recently, my Ncc favourites.

Enough said.

2) Maturing emotionally.

This is an ironic statement because I think I've become a lot more private from 2010 - 2011.

But well, I dare to make that statement because in my own opinion, I've changed for the better being emotionally private.

Allowing someone to sprinkle salt on your wounds is not a good thing and placing your trust on the wrong person is definitely not a nice feeling.

Thus, since I am ' my own fucking goddess of my own universe ', I guess being protective and private was the only way I could prevent myself from being hurt. Being ' not - hurt ' allowed me to put up a smile and strut into the school compound like a confident free bitch everyday. Trust me, you wouldn't like seeing someone breaking down/pulling a long face every single day even though she's really going through some serious shit because what would that classify her into?

An attention seeking whore.

I've also thus learnt the art recovering from an emotional fall as quickly as possible.

You might think this is all unhealthy for me, unhealthy for me to be suppressing everything inside my bottle, but that's just the way I am and unfortunately, nobody can change it unless I'm willing to.

The more you probe me, the more I'd back away. Unless you try really hard with sincerity, over and over again, slowly, then maybe you'd get a shot at my insecurities.

Till then, to the left, bitches/beasts with excessive hormones.

2) Conquering the Big Os.

No easy task because I was going through some emotional shit wreck while preparing for it.

Studying everyday and having a problem with concentration because i get so distracted so god damned easily(!!), getting all panicky and stressed because my ability to solve mathematical problems was still at zero although the O's was only < 10 days away, immense feeling of breaking down whenever I open up the Chemistry textbook, crying just before Emath P2 over some issues and thus screwing my paper, falling sick during my Chem and Bio P1 .. the lot!

But yes, at least it's all over now.

You reap what you sow and so I guess I'll be receiving my disappointing-but-pretty-much-expected results on the 9th holaaaa.

3) Joining the 61st Cadet Officers' Course.

I still remember how skeptical I was, how doubtful I was about my decision. I remember how a handful of people were against my decision about dedicating 3 weeks of my holidays to Ncc.

' NO don't go leh!! 3 weeks leh you'll be missing out on so much fun, what's the point?! '

^ Vividly remember this laughs but anyway I went on with it and I must say, I have never regretted my decision since. Getting to know S2ka, spending time with S2ka, enduring the irrelevant cock-ups/plans and shitty system, preparing for our performances etc. made all my sacrifices I made for C0c worthwhile.

The proudest moment of 2011 also goes to my graduation from this course. ALTHOUGH i was sick and couldn't join the parade, reciting the Cadet Officers' Creed for the last time and then tossing the peak cap into the air made me feel so proud of myself, it was an overwhelming flurry of emotions like ' wow, I did it. I am now a Cadet Officer. '

So some of you will ask why I even decided to go for this course.

Well I went for 3 reasons.

First reason was for my lovely 17 kids back at Nh that I still love so very dearly although I heard some bad news recently >:(

Second was for my Dad. ' I want you to be Ma'am! ' ' Now staff only, when then can be Ma'am? ' ' You HAVE to be an officer! I want my daughter to be an officer! '

So because I really wanted my Dad to seriously feel proud of her daughter after feeling disappointed over and over again, I made that decision.

And the last reserves for my ultimate stalkers who managed to find my Tumblr. I think you'll know this by now, no?

And to all of you who still doubts my reason for going to Coc, fuck off and fuck off a little more.

Who started with such a nonsensical rumour anyway?

I don't spend 3 long weeks of my holidays wearing the blister-inducing boots and waking up at 5.45a.m everyday just because of a reason as shallow as that.

Judgemental fucks.

There's so much more i wish to type out here but i think my sentences would be pretty incoherent by then because thoughts and bad/good memories are flashing through my mind at the speed of 10000000000000000km/h and I just can't type them all down fast enough gosh.

An hour more to a brand new year, ALL FOR 2012!

On a side note,

had an awesome time with S2ka/West district @Sentosa yesterday.

Photos up when the person in charge uploads them goodbye I hope all of you reading this have a great year ahead <3